This does have a dark romance vibe. I feel a sense of total fracture from a dark night of the soul by an objectively real maneater. The first person view is great because so many dr and gothic novels are clearly not by those who actually were like the maneaters described. You are still what you once were. You're not writing about seeing a potential devastation, but from the heart beating within it, now with a conscience? A few flow issues here and there but maybe because you're constrained to an essay? It reads like excerpts. For instance, you had me watching you climb a mountain with fire at your heels then stopped me with, “I was unkillable.” Not an issue of grammar but flow, IMHO. Maybe something like, “Nothing could bring me down, and nothing could put me out.” It lacked a punchline feel. Please forgive my Virgo Moon and North Node. I honestly am in awe.
Hey, Gary. Thank you so much for your well thought out response. As far as “I was unkillable”—it was meant to abrupt the flow, not accommodate it. Sometimes the abruptness is the punchline. I don’t do soft landings ;)
Heart breaking 💔
This does have a dark romance vibe. I feel a sense of total fracture from a dark night of the soul by an objectively real maneater. The first person view is great because so many dr and gothic novels are clearly not by those who actually were like the maneaters described. You are still what you once were. You're not writing about seeing a potential devastation, but from the heart beating within it, now with a conscience? A few flow issues here and there but maybe because you're constrained to an essay? It reads like excerpts. For instance, you had me watching you climb a mountain with fire at your heels then stopped me with, “I was unkillable.” Not an issue of grammar but flow, IMHO. Maybe something like, “Nothing could bring me down, and nothing could put me out.” It lacked a punchline feel. Please forgive my Virgo Moon and North Node. I honestly am in awe.
Hey, Gary. Thank you so much for your well thought out response. As far as “I was unkillable”—it was meant to abrupt the flow, not accommodate it. Sometimes the abruptness is the punchline. I don’t do soft landings ;)
The ending was, I thought, very soft.
Raw wild and beautifully dangerous